Maybe he should know, but for the life of him it is the Traveler who receives vocalizations of gratitude usually, not him. So he is a little stumped. ]
[ Dainsleif understands that what he did wasn't exactly logical; at the time he felt reluctant to the point of not bringing it to the forefront. ]
Hah. That wasn't very pragmatic of me. People here are capable of anything, I know this well.
[ There was someone he thought would never be capable of betraying him. Of siding with the Abyss, perhaps even perpetuating terrible things he can fathom and the unfathomable. But, it always seemed like that was the case. He lets out a sigh. ]
I don't have much of an excuse...though, I'm glad I led a little with my emotions this time than simply logic. And, I'll take the compliment. It's rare I receive them, and I can tell it's genuine.
...You're correct that I couldn't. You put it in a better perspective.
[ An ounce of sheepishness in his tone, but also with utmost seriousness, because it is Dainsleif.
Though, his expression turns considering, and, well, the repetition is certainly taken well - he tries to find his words, trying to rack his brain for something to say, but he just for a moment awkwardly stands there. Yet, he appreciates it, really!! So, he nods at this, expression even easing a little bit...he'll remember this.
However, to the rest? ]
To be frank, I hold no blame against you. Everything was happening relatively quickly, and I personally believe you spoke up at exactly the right moment to spell his death knell. Which is far better than keeping silent.
[ pfft. if it wasn't so serious a moment, raikou would tease him. he makes note of how dain reacts to this however, for another time. ]
I know how shinobi are, I'm one myself. One with a far more rigid code than him, but I'm used to dealing with his type. They think just because they have the ability to, that they can take from the weak, the poor, or simply the unaware.
...honestly, it's a little refreshing to know that he thinks like this. ]
I've met many people like that myself, who believe they can do whatever they wish with such ability, such power, and abuse or hurt those they consider weaker or underneath them.
[ Easily, he thinks of the man named Haden, who as a Knight Instructor broke fellow knights, and tried to do the same to him, just because there was a desire to follow the code of the Black Serpent Knights. ]
However, it makes a world of difference when there are those like you who don't use their capability or power to try to control or hurt others.
[ ...well. There is a wry expression on his face, at hearing this. ]
You said that you kill others like Gabimaru, but seeing what he's done, I can't say that suddenly I would think you are worse than scum. Not to mention, even I have blood on my hands.
...Perhaps in my own head, I already associated Gabimaru with someone like Haden. A person who would hurt the weak and break their body, as well as their spirit, simply for trying to learn to become a proper knight.
[ But, that isn't the point. Dainsleif knows everyone has the potential to hurt and kill others. Even he is guilty of it. However... ]
Maybe my view of Gabimaru is skewed, but are you the type to torture and kill innocent people outside of your mission...simply because they're weaker than you? Would you go out of your way to do this to people who aren't even in your way, because it makes you feel stronger, to step all over them?
I want to make the world a better place, but I know that isn't a bloodless affair. My hands have been dirty for a while. [ there's something there, something he skips over like a damaged record. ]
I want to help create a world where everyone is equal, whether they're rich or poor, powerful or weak. Rules shouldn't exist just for some. Tradition shouldn't be maintained simply because things were always done that way, a king who is crowned simply because of his blood is no greater ruler than one who was chosen by the people.
[ Dainsleif supposes even if the days where he was wide-eyed and easily impressionable are gone, the thought of someone striving for the good of people, rather than their detriment...is notable. ]
Those who claim that they can institute sweeping reforms without conflict, without the possibility of bloodshed...or state that their vision can be implemented perfectly - I've never seen anything good come of it.
You proclaim yours while acknowledging the imperfect nature of needing to achieve it. It's a complex situation, and knowing you said this to me, even now, makes it even moreso. Still, I won't take it back.
[ Yes, it ends up being a bit of a complicated matter, and he knows it, because in a place like this, anything can happen. Can such a goal be achieved by determination alone, without falling deeper somewhere dark? But... ]
...I just hope it is something you can work towards with trusted people by your side. Who will stick by with you, no matter what happens.
Yes...he understands that sentiment well too, so he doesn't present anything against it. It's why he intend to, ultimately, journey alone. Then, there is the expression of gratitude; unexpected again, making him give further pause.
[ Dainsleif's usual haunts see his visage consistently, though it also helps when he's searching for a familiar face, and so happens to see it in one of them right away.
Stepping into the rose garden, he casts his gaze upon Raikou, stepping closer, before stopping, and then speaking up. ]
...Raikou.
I was looking for you, and hoping we could speak.
[ He has been concerned about how he has been dealing with the aftermath. Rather, it was on his mind even before the trial went topsy-turvy - when the trap failed, and there might have been some guilt. He knows that feeling himself, and so...he is here now. ]
[ raikou is here, running a hand across the roses. he doesn't pluck any, though it seems he was considering it before he heard dainslef approach. his expression is his usual even keel, but this is standard raikou where he rarely shows what he's actually feeling on the inside. ]
Dainslef. You're paying me back for last week, huh?
[ Dainsleif will be watching; an even expression doesn't speak to everything, though all the same, it can very well be that the feelings have had the chance to settle on the matter. ]
It did help that you spoke well on my behalf, even if I weren't the only one. So, I can indeed grant my thanks.
I also believed it best to speak with you in the aftermath of the trial, as much happened in the midst of it. Additionally, there was a concentrated effort on your part to avoid tragedy in our area, with myself having assisted you.
You did give it your best - it did feel reasonable for a physical disturbance to wake someone.
[ But, Dainsleif so happen to pause at the rest, before understanding the sentiment well. Even if he doesn't exactly change how his expression is, he allows his hands fall to his sides. ]
...I will admit I was relieved neither of you two died, as was also my great worry. And, that suspicion was able to be heavily averted for you two, eventually. Tsukasa, I feel, would be easy to dismiss his suspicion on him. But, given the application of blades, even when used as a trap, it made sense we would fall under such scrutiny for a little bit of time.
[ raikou smiles warm at first, then colder when dain mentions the scrutiny tsukasa faced at trial. ]
Fandaniel was trying to rile me up in regards to that, on both ends. But I've dealt with his type before. He's someone we should keep an eye, as I could see him misdirecting guilt onto someone simply for the "fun" of it.
[ Dainsleif's recollection of Fandaniel is unsurprisingly not very much of a happy sort as well, his own demeanor becoming more frosty in kind.
Especially since the man always struck him as someone he'd never want to have the opportunity to speak much with. ]
Usually, he does seem like he's been trying to get some kind of reaction, and acting in a foolish way, at times.
There's many I've met, who are irritating in their own right, but not anyone who have been uniquely bothersome like he is. Perhaps that's why I can agree that we should be keeping an eye on him.
[ raikou's glad they're on the same page here tbh. ]
I don't know how much longer this will go on and I also don't plan on acting myself. In the first place, I was originally thinking that if I did die here, it would be punishment for what I've done in the past.
Though now...I've grown selfish, I think. I'd like to be with Tsukasa even though I'm not really sure the entirety of what that means. [ beyond here, assuming that they do in fact reach a "beyond here". but one thing at a time. ]
...I can't really foresee you acting either, but if something happens where you're framed or anything else- [ the anything else will have to do some work here because raikou won't state it plainly. ] -I'd much rather eliminate someone like him than someone like you.
As long as Tsukasa is safe, but I don't think I need to tell you that.
[ It's good that they are. Dainsleif is always still mildly even surprised when he finds his thoughts aligned with others.
Hearing those words from Raikou, though...he understands that this is a big relevation for him to make. A part of him truthfully feels unworthy, but at the same time also doesn't like the idea of having him died like that.
Something like relief floods him, knowing he has decided to persist. Dainsleif has known selfish people, but...he thinks this is wholly different. For a moment, he doesn't even know what to say, though something in his expression softens. ]
I'm glad you became more selfish, even if I know it may sound strange for me to say that, but...
[ His lips quirk upwards into a little, brief smile, even if it fades. Raikou is an interesting person. He doesn't think he's met anyone ever like him...which is strange to think, but true. ]
...I understand perfectly. Though, I want Tsukasa safe as well, even if you didn't tell me. We do get along well enough, after all.
Both of you deserve the best, and yes, I would still say this of you even with what you have said of yourself before. I would not hesitate to protect either of you from harm.
As you also guessed correctly, I don't really have any intentions of acting. I have many reasons why, but one of them is having no intention of following along with a divine god's orders. In my world, they were every bit as cruel as the one here.
Still, what you said...means quite a bit.
[ Even if the words are cruel towards Fandaniel, Dainsleif feels the man doesn't deserve any consideration. Cold, but well, he is only but a man as well.
That said, Dainsleif, who hasn't felt he could count on anyone truly in centuries, also feels touched. He enjoys the Traveler's presence, but in the end...he still holds a certain amount of distrust. Still, looking at Raikou, he silently raises a hand to press a fist across his own chest, the gesture is symbolic, but words seem hardly suiting. ]
[ raikou is a far cry from his boyfriend when it comes to matters of friendship speeches and comaderie, but he does have it in him. even still, dainslef's expression and gesture do surprise him, but not in the bad way.
he doesn't know exactly what that expression means, but he gives dainslef a deep and proper bow in return. ]
Thank you, Dainslef. I'm relieved to hear that, all of it. [ his smiles grows a shade warmer. ]
But don't forget that you can count on me for everyday things too. I'd take you out for a bowl of ramen and ice cold beer if I could.
[ A slow, small nod from him, as he mulls over this. Counting on someone for everyday things...? He looks at Raikou a bit more in curiosity, and feels himself relent a little, feeling maybe it would be alright. ]
...I've never had ramen, though I believe I've heard of it from the land called Inazuma. But, I would have liked the opportunity to share those things with you.
They don't even have Death After Noon here.
[ He goes quiet after that, for a moment. It seems strange, to complain about mundane things. ]
I noticed it seems to also be a favorite of other Khaenri'ahns, and as such, it is unsurprisingly something I like to indulge in.
Though, even if I'm not sure if it would be to your tastes, it would be nice if you could sample it.
[ He once refused to leave a tavern without having it even though he was in the middle of something. Dainsleif can be surprisingly kind of particular in strange ways, it's fine. ]
My senpai is someone who'll have a beer to start the mission, beers during the mission, and then beer after to celebrate. I won't drink when I'm on the job but after it's a nice way to wind down.
[ yukimi has to babysit the entire cast, he's valid. ]
[ Dainsleif can understand both lines of thought - this other man's and also Raikou's. ]
As for myself, I go on personal operations - preferably by myself, but I do occasionally have one who may come along, like the Traveler.
I have actually drank in the midst of them when there is a lull, though I prefer to do it afterwards, for the exact same reason of it being a good way to wind down.
Dealing with difficult enemies can be quite stressful.
[ Dainsleif thinks so, if he is one of the other man's friends. ]
...I suppose I have also grown a little used to it, even if I don't make it a habit.
There's always the adjustment period of becoming more used to working with others.
[ He can understand that, more than anything. Dainsleif is used to doing most things by himself, still, and in this moment he does so happen to recall the last conversation they had, wherein he found a bit of commonality. But, at the same time, he remembers wishing he could say the right thing, or something better.
...I rescued someone and then he kept following me. He doesn't have anywhere or anyone else to return to, so I can't just send him away. I've gotten used to and appreciate his company, but—
[ hmmm. raikou's not really sure how to say this. ]
—he's young, he's only sixteen. I'm not someone to be idolized.
[ Dainsleif looks briefly amused at this; he merely considers it a matter of camaraderie, clearly. ]
Still young and impressionable.
...It sounds like he feels as if he is also feels indebted to you, correct? If he is still tailing you - though, idolization can easily settle in too from a rescue.
I don't suppose telling him straight has worked, has it?
[ The young can be stubborn, even if they are the ones looking up to an older figure. Such is the unfortunate aspect of youth. ]
[ Ironically, he was thinking about the bit in regards to Yukimi, but if he hears about the kid and his crush he will be...well, thinking that is even a more difficult rock and a hard place kind of situation.
Probably even thinking he should be dropped off randomly with a letter and disappear without so much as a real warning. But that is a Dainsleif solution, probably not a Raikou solution!! Regardless, he still has thoughts on it from the brief snippets. ]
If you are interested in unsolicited advice, an ultimatum sounds like it'll be an answer.
Perhaps setting somewhere up where he can be sure others are watching over him, if you have the resources, or know of where there are.
If you are disinterested in such advice, I'm certain a solution will be available as he comes of age.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
week 1, saturday
Dainslef, do you have a moment?
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He will turn to face Raikou, attention piqued. ]
I do. What is it?
[ He will calmly await whatever the man has to say. ]
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[ for a few reasons, actually. ]
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[ Dainsleif looks a little surprised.
Maybe he should know, but for the life of him it is the Traveler who receives vocalizations of gratitude usually, not him. So he is a little stumped. ]
For...?
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[ raikou was expecting it, actually. ]
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[ Dainsleif understands that what he did wasn't exactly logical; at the time he felt reluctant to the point of not bringing it to the forefront. ]
Hah. That wasn't very pragmatic of me. People here are capable of anything, I know this well.
[ There was someone he thought would never be capable of betraying him. Of siding with the Abyss, perhaps even perpetuating terrible things he can fathom and the unfathomable. But, it always seemed like that was the case. He lets out a sigh. ]
I don't have much of an excuse...though, I'm glad I led a little with my emotions this time than simply logic. And, I'll take the compliment. It's rare I receive them, and I can tell it's genuine.
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[ teasingly, but this is also a true fact. raikou would never. ]
You don't? Then I don't mind repeating myself. Thank you, Dainslef.
I should have spoken up more myself about Gabimaru.
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[ An ounce of sheepishness in his tone, but also with utmost seriousness, because it is Dainsleif.
Though, his expression turns considering, and, well, the repetition is certainly taken well - he tries to find his words, trying to rack his brain for something to say, but he just for a moment awkwardly stands there. Yet, he appreciates it, really!! So, he nods at this, expression even easing a little bit...he'll remember this.
However, to the rest? ]
To be frank, I hold no blame against you. Everything was happening relatively quickly, and I personally believe you spoke up at exactly the right moment to spell his death knell. Which is far better than keeping silent.
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I know how shinobi are, I'm one myself. One with a far more rigid code than him, but I'm used to dealing with his type. They think just because they have the ability to, that they can take from the weak, the poor, or simply the unaware.
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...honestly, it's a little refreshing to know that he thinks like this. ]
I've met many people like that myself, who believe they can do whatever they wish with such ability, such power, and abuse or hurt those they consider weaker or underneath them.
[ Easily, he thinks of the man named Haden, who as a Knight Instructor broke fellow knights, and tried to do the same to him, just because there was a desire to follow the code of the Black Serpent Knights. ]
However, it makes a world of difference when there are those like you who don't use their capability or power to try to control or hurt others.
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you know, he's only told one other person this explicitly, even if it's probably obvious. but it's something else to put it into words himself. ]
I do hurt others, Dainslef. I kill them. My role as a wakachi is to eliminate shinobi exactly like Gabimaru.
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You said that you kill others like Gabimaru, but seeing what he's done, I can't say that suddenly I would think you are worse than scum. Not to mention, even I have blood on my hands.
...Perhaps in my own head, I already associated Gabimaru with someone like Haden. A person who would hurt the weak and break their body, as well as their spirit, simply for trying to learn to become a proper knight.
[ But, that isn't the point. Dainsleif knows everyone has the potential to hurt and kill others. Even he is guilty of it. However... ]
Maybe my view of Gabimaru is skewed, but are you the type to torture and kill innocent people outside of your mission...simply because they're weaker than you? Would you go out of your way to do this to people who aren't even in your way, because it makes you feel stronger, to step all over them?
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I want to make the world a better place, but I know that isn't a bloodless affair. My hands have been dirty for a while. [ there's something there, something he skips over like a damaged record. ]
I want to help create a world where everyone is equal, whether they're rich or poor, powerful or weak. Rules shouldn't exist just for some. Tradition shouldn't be maintained simply because things were always done that way, a king who is crowned simply because of his blood is no greater ruler than one who was chosen by the people.
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If only the man who had been our King had thought like you had.
[ A little wistful; even if he has dislike for the gods, for the ABYSS, Dainsleif also has it for tradition, for rule done simply by blood. ]
It's a noble goal.
And trust me when I say I'm often party to hearing of ideals that don't come near to scratching the surface in the same way.
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You think it's noble even though it's painted in blood? [ it's a shockingly earnest question. ]
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Those who claim that they can institute sweeping reforms without conflict, without the possibility of bloodshed...or state that their vision can be implemented perfectly - I've never seen anything good come of it.
You proclaim yours while acknowledging the imperfect nature of needing to achieve it. It's a complex situation, and knowing you said this to me, even now, makes it even moreso. Still, I won't take it back.
[ Yes, it ends up being a bit of a complicated matter, and he knows it, because in a place like this, anything can happen. Can such a goal be achieved by determination alone, without falling deeper somewhere dark? But... ]
...I just hope it is something you can work towards with trusted people by your side. Who will stick by with you, no matter what happens.
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[ he is really, really bad at turning people away though. as evidenced by- ]
...but thank you.
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[ Dainsleif just looks at him quietly.
Yes...he understands that sentiment well too, so he doesn't present anything against it. It's why he intend to, ultimately, journey alone. Then, there is the expression of gratitude; unexpected again, making him give further pause.
But, he nods. ]
...It is no problem.
week 2, post-trial
Stepping into the rose garden, he casts his gaze upon Raikou, stepping closer, before stopping, and then speaking up. ]
...Raikou.
I was looking for you, and hoping we could speak.
[ He has been concerned about how he has been dealing with the aftermath. Rather, it was on his mind even before the trial went topsy-turvy - when the trap failed, and there might have been some guilt. He knows that feeling himself, and so...he is here now. ]
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Dainslef. You're paying me back for last week, huh?
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It did help that you spoke well on my behalf, even if I weren't the only one. So, I can indeed grant my thanks.
I also believed it best to speak with you in the aftermath of the trial, as much happened in the midst of it. Additionally, there was a concentrated effort on your part to avoid tragedy in our area, with myself having assisted you.
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I wish I could have done something for Annette, but...
[ a heavy sigh. ]
I'm glad it wasn't Tsukasa or yourself that was found yesterday.
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[ But, Dainsleif so happen to pause at the rest, before understanding the sentiment well. Even if he doesn't exactly change how his expression is, he allows his hands fall to his sides. ]
...I will admit I was relieved neither of you two died, as was also my great worry. And, that suspicion was able to be heavily averted for you two, eventually. Tsukasa, I feel, would be easy to dismiss his suspicion on him. But, given the application of blades, even when used as a trap, it made sense we would fall under such scrutiny for a little bit of time.
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Fandaniel was trying to rile me up in regards to that, on both ends. But I've dealt with his type before. He's someone we should keep an eye, as I could see him misdirecting guilt onto someone simply for the "fun" of it.
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Especially since the man always struck him as someone he'd never want to have the opportunity to speak much with. ]
Usually, he does seem like he's been trying to get some kind of reaction, and acting in a foolish way, at times.
There's many I've met, who are irritating in their own right, but not anyone who have been uniquely bothersome like he is. Perhaps that's why I can agree that we should be keeping an eye on him.
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I don't know how much longer this will go on and I also don't plan on acting myself. In the first place, I was originally thinking that if I did die here, it would be punishment for what I've done in the past.
Though now...I've grown selfish, I think. I'd like to be with Tsukasa even though I'm not really sure the entirety of what that means. [ beyond here, assuming that they do in fact reach a "beyond here". but one thing at a time. ]
...I can't really foresee you acting either, but if something happens where you're framed or anything else- [ the anything else will have to do some work here because raikou won't state it plainly. ] -I'd much rather eliminate someone like him than someone like you.
As long as Tsukasa is safe, but I don't think I need to tell you that.
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Hearing those words from Raikou, though...he understands that this is a big relevation for him to make. A part of him truthfully feels unworthy, but at the same time also doesn't like the idea of having him died like that.
Something like relief floods him, knowing he has decided to persist. Dainsleif has known selfish people, but...he thinks this is wholly different. For a moment, he doesn't even know what to say, though something in his expression softens. ]
I'm glad you became more selfish, even if I know it may sound strange for me to say that, but...
[ His lips quirk upwards into a little, brief smile, even if it fades. Raikou is an interesting person. He doesn't think he's met anyone ever like him...which is strange to think, but true. ]
...I understand perfectly. Though, I want Tsukasa safe as well, even if you didn't tell me. We do get along well enough, after all.
Both of you deserve the best, and yes, I would still say this of you even with what you have said of yourself before. I would not hesitate to protect either of you from harm.
As you also guessed correctly, I don't really have any intentions of acting. I have many reasons why, but one of them is having no intention of following along with a divine god's orders. In my world, they were every bit as cruel as the one here.
Still, what you said...means quite a bit.
[ Even if the words are cruel towards Fandaniel, Dainsleif feels the man doesn't deserve any consideration. Cold, but well, he is only but a man as well.
That said, Dainsleif, who hasn't felt he could count on anyone truly in centuries, also feels touched. He enjoys the Traveler's presence, but in the end...he still holds a certain amount of distrust. Still, looking at Raikou, he silently raises a hand to press a fist across his own chest, the gesture is symbolic, but words seem hardly suiting. ]
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he doesn't know exactly what that expression means, but he gives dainslef a deep and proper bow in return. ]
Thank you, Dainslef. I'm relieved to hear that, all of it. [ his smiles grows a shade warmer. ]
But don't forget that you can count on me for everyday things too. I'd take you out for a bowl of ramen and ice cold beer if I could.
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...I've never had ramen, though I believe I've heard of it from the land called Inazuma. But, I would have liked the opportunity to share those things with you.
They don't even have Death After Noon here.
[ He goes quiet after that, for a moment. It seems strange, to complain about mundane things. ]
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[ he's intrigued. ]
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I noticed it seems to also be a favorite of other Khaenri'ahns, and as such, it is unsurprisingly something I like to indulge in.
Though, even if I'm not sure if it would be to your tastes, it would be nice if you could sample it.
[ He once refused to leave a tavern without having it even though he was in the middle of something. Dainsleif can be surprisingly kind of particular in strange ways, it's fine. ]
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[ even ninjas need to get hammered after stressful missions. ]
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Source: trust me bro (from said "post-mission" serial drinker) ]
Heh, usually I wouldn't go around advertising it all that much. But, if you're not picky, I think you'd enjoy it.
...Are you used to having drinking nights with others?
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[ yukimi has to babysit the entire cast, he's valid. ]
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[ Dainsleif can understand both lines of thought - this other man's and also Raikou's. ]
As for myself, I go on personal operations - preferably by myself, but I do occasionally have one who may come along, like the Traveler.
I have actually drank in the midst of them when there is a lull, though I prefer to do it afterwards, for the exact same reason of it being a good way to wind down.
Dealing with difficult enemies can be quite stressful.
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[ heheh. ]
I'm glad you have company sometimes, Dainslef. I used to do all my missions solo until recently myself.
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[ Dainsleif thinks so, if he is one of the other man's friends. ]
...I suppose I have also grown a little used to it, even if I don't make it a habit.
There's always the adjustment period of becoming more used to working with others.
[ He can understand that, more than anything. Dainsleif is used to doing most things by himself, still, and in this moment he does so happen to recall the last conversation they had, wherein he found a bit of commonality. But, at the same time, he remembers wishing he could say the right thing, or something better.
Though maybe there wasn't such a thing. ]
What made you start to do missions with others?
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[ he has to rib yukimi a little, it's the law. ]
...I rescued someone and then he kept following me. He doesn't have anywhere or anyone else to return to, so I can't just send him away. I've gotten used to and appreciate his company, but—
[ hmmm. raikou's not really sure how to say this. ]
—he's young, he's only sixteen. I'm not someone to be idolized.
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Still young and impressionable.
...It sounds like he feels as if he is also feels indebted to you, correct? If he is still tailing you - though, idolization can easily settle in too from a rescue.
I don't suppose telling him straight has worked, has it?
[ The young can be stubborn, even if they are the ones looking up to an older figure. Such is the unfortunate aspect of youth. ]
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[ a matter of camaraderie would be fine but raikou isn't blind, he knows gau has a crush. ]
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Probably even thinking he should be dropped off randomly with a letter and disappear without so much as a real warning. But that is a Dainsleif solution, probably not a Raikou solution!! Regardless, he still has thoughts on it from the brief snippets. ]
If you are interested in unsolicited advice, an ultimatum sounds like it'll be an answer.
Perhaps setting somewhere up where he can be sure others are watching over him, if you have the resources, or know of where there are.
If you are disinterested in such advice, I'm certain a solution will be available as he comes of age.
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I think I just need to be firmer with him, like you said. There are places where he can stay, so that won't be an issue.
[ even still, raikou sighs. he's a softie... ]